Perfect Math Notation

Warning: If you are not a big nerd or if you have not struggled over math texts, you may not find this as funny as I do...

Perfect Math Notation

Notation is very important in your mathematical papers. Here are the most famous rules on how mathematicians use notation.
Do not explain your notation. Do not waste your time explaining your notation. Most of them are standard anyway. Your paper will look more impressive if you plunge right into your statements. So a good paper can start like this:

Obviously, p is never divisible by 6 …

Everyone knows that p is a prime number.
Use a variety of alphabets. This way you demonstrate your superior education, while expanding your notation possibilities. Not to mention that it looks so pretty:

sin²ℵ + cos²ℵ = 1.

You also get points for drawing a parallel between alpha and alef.
Denote different things with the same letter. It is very important to maintain continuity with the papers in your references, so you should use their notation. Besides, some notation is standard:

Suppose S is an ordered set. Elements of the permutation group S act on this set: for any s in S, sS is the corresponding action.

Mathematicians secretly compete with each other. The goal is to denote as many different things as possible with the same letter in one paper. My personal record was to denote six different things with the letter G. There are two versions of this competition to maximize the number of different meanings of one letter: it can be done either on the same page or in the same formula.
Use different notation for the same thing. The ultimate achievement would be to change your notation in the middle of your sentence:

Gauss showed that the sum of integers between 0 and k inclusive is equal to n(n+1)/2.

Replace standard notation with your own. Your paper will look much more complex than it is. Besides, if someone adopts your notation, they’ll have to name it after you:

Let us use the symbol ¥ for denoting an integral.

Denote a constant with a letter. Letters look more serious than numbers. You will impress your colleagues.

We will be studying graphs in which vertices are colored in only three colors: blue, red and green. For simplicity the number of colors is denoted by k.

As a bonus, when you prove your theorem for three colors, you can confuse everyone into thinking that you proved it for any number of colors.
Do not specify constraints or limits. When you use a summation or a integral, the limits look so bulky that they distract from your real formula. Besides, it’s time-consuming and too complicated for most text editors. Look at this perfect simplicity:

∑ i² = n(n+1)(2n+1)/6.

Everyone knows that you are summing the integers between 1 and n inclusive. Oops. It could be between 0 and n. But 0² = 0 anyway, so who cares?
Be creative. You can mix up these rules or invent your own.

Let us consider a triangle with N sides. Actually, it is better to replace N by H, because in Russian the letter that looks like English H is pronounced like English N. Let us denote the base of the triangle by X. By the way, that is the Russian letter that is usually pronounced like the English letter H, so sometimes I will interchange them. The height of the triangle is, as always, denoted by H.

By following these simple rules, you will earn great respect from your readers.

Kiev

As our semester begins to wind down, we have all realized how little time left we have to travel (and are starting to get VERY excited about coming home).  Last weekend, a group of seven headed to Kiev, Ukraine for a weekend of exploration and excitement.

We took an overnight train out of Moscow to Kiev on Wednesday night and luckily we met a fluent English/ Ukranian/ Russian speaker who graciously befriended us.  She translated when we were woken up at 3am by the Russian police to see our visas, tickets, and immigration cards.  She helped again when we were awoken at 5am by the Ukranian police who wanted basically the same thing.  The best part of meeting this wonderful woman was that when we arrived in Kiev she showed us to the metro and directed us to our hostel.

A few people had set plans in their mind of what they wanted to do with our time in Ukraine.  I however, was just along for the ride.  We have now been together (ALL THE TIME) in our dorm, in classes, traveling, sight-seeing, etc for almost three full months so there can sometimes be a little tension and bickering.  However, this extended amount of time together has also allowed us to form close bonds.  In our Kiev hostel we all slept in one room with lots of bunk beds.  My "bunk mate" was Caleb who also happens to be my neighbor in the dorm.  In the middle of the night Caleb's blanket was hanging off the bunk.  Below him, in my sleepy stupor, I took (stole) the blanket as my own.  Caleb, being the gentleman he is didn't even get off his bunk to rip it from my sleepy hands and only complained a little bit in the morning.

Kiev was warmer than Mocow, but still chilly and we dealt with a lot of rain and gray skies.  The city was gorgeous and we took lots and lots of pictures.  I forced my fellow explorers to get quite close to a Communist demonstration which was quite exciting.

Despite a couple cloudy days, we did get lucky and have some sunshine.  I stood arms wide, welcoming the much needed Vitamin D into my body for a good minute or so before I allowed anyone to continue walking.

Ukraine was much less expensive than Moscow.  We found a pizza place near our hostel which had delicious food and was only about $10 for a good sized pizza and drink.  We were also directed to пiаза жата (piazza hata) which we thought would be a pizza hut but actually means "big belly house" in Ukranian (which is almost the same as Russian but slightly different).  This cafeteria style eatery was cheap and yummy and allowed us to try some Ukranian food (basically the same as Russian food).

The highlight of our weekend was definitely Chernobyl which deserves a post of its own.

Halloween in Russia

October 30, 2009

Halloween was not very scary and did not include any dressing up, at least not in the traditional American sense.  We dressed up in fancy clothes to go to Swan Lake which was amazing and is currently in second for my favorite ballet.

Lenny, Caleb and me in the Bolshoi Theater lobby.

Earlier in the day we walked around downtown and tried to see the Diamond Fund and Red Square, but red square was closed.  We saw a museum of an old home and generally enjoyed one of the first snows of the year.  Just walking around Moscow made me feel like a local.

Swan Lake is my new (second) favorite ballet!